Halloween Horror Nights 31
A full review and rating of this year’s houses!
Editor’s Note: I have been to Halloween Horror Nights once. I made it through almost two houses before a demon Abe Lincoln jumped in my face and then I needed to be escorted to the exit where I waited for my group in the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Since I definitely wasn’t attending this year’s festivities I decided to send my horror correspondent, Mitch Krpata, to check it out for you. He was gracious enough to provide a full recap, review and ranking of the houses for you. Read all about it… if you’re brave enough!
When Magic Memories with Molly asked me to attend Halloween Horror Nights 31 as their special horror correspondent, I was reluctant to accept. Go to a Halloween-themed event? One that I’ve been to several times before and always had a great time? Attend with one of my friends and without my family? Well, sometimes you gotta step up, so off I went.
I visited on Sunday night, September 25. I’d hoped the crowds would be moderate on a Sunday, and maybe they were relative to other nights, but it was still extremely busy. The wait times that I saw topped out at 90 minutes (I have seen longer times posted in the Universal app on other nights).
I highly recommend springing for the Express Pass for Halloween Horror Nights. I’ve done it with and without. If you have several opportunities to go in a given season, and you enjoy soaking in the vibes and hanging out, then you can probably do without it. But if, like me, you have one night to see everything, then the Express Pass is a must. We were through the gates at about 6:45 and managed to get through all 10 haunted houses, see a show, and take a couple of breaks, leaving at about 12:30 AM. If we’d had to wait in 90-minute lines, we would have had to make some hard decisions about what to skip.
That said, I can help you make those hard decisions! I’ll rank all the haunted houses from best to worst in a bit, but first some assorted notes.
We took in the 8 o’clock showing of the stage show, “Halloween Nightmare Fuel Wildfire.” I didn’t have any idea what it was going into it. We entered just a couple minutes before showtime and ended up seated directly in the center, just about three rows in front of a platform that the performers made their way to several times throughout the evening, so that was cool.
It was mostly a dance show, with some pyro, aerial and other stunts, and a couple of magic tricks, plus off-the-charts theater kid energy. The kind of thing that was both wicked cool and not exactly up my alley. The performers did some incredible physical feats and were in insane shape, and one can only presume that they spend their off days fornicating energetically. Overall I liked it but wouldn’t have skipped any of the haunted houses for it.
The scare zones were mostly cool, although as I’m looking at the list I see one called “Conjure the Dark” that I don’t remember at all. So maybe that one wasn’t a winner. My favorite was “Scarecrow: Cursed Soil,” which had a farm and scarecrow theme, including some kind of corn monster wielding a corncob on a stick as a weapon. Great stuff. I also saw the Pumpkin Lord make an appearance in the “Horrors of Halloween” zone, and the costume was truly impressive.
Last thing to note: I have never really partaken of the weird snacks they offer at HHN, but this year I had the “Fiery Twisted ‘Tater with Queso,” which was a spiral-cut potato that was fried and then served with flamin’-hot Cheetos dust and a cheese sauce. It was decent enough. You get a whole potato. (I did, however, notice a massive size difference between the one I got and my companion’s.) But the Cheeto powder was just kind of dumped into the cardboard serving tray and it wasn’t as spicy as I hoped it would be. The queso disbursement seemed sporadic and unpredictable. And it was a little tricky to eat the thing in the dark. But it was fine.
Now, onto the part you’ve actually come here for: ranking all the haunted houses at Halloween Horror Nights 31 from best to worst. (Mild spoilers ahead.)
Dead Man’s Pier: Winter’s Wake
This was clearly the standout. I’ve been to HHN five times now, and this may have been the best house they’ve ever done. It’s incredibly detailed, with a great narrative flow that takes you from exterior to interior scenes and out again. There are things to look at all around, including up above. The creature design is great, with a lot of fish-men taking clear inspiration from the Lovecraft story “The Shadow Over Innsmouth,” but my favorite was the guy in the old-timey diving suit whose face was lit up with black-light paint. The climactic scene was a massive sinking ship with a ghostly woman playing violin at the bow. This was something special.
Halloween
I watch the original Halloween every year, so I’m clearly the prime demo for this one. It’s a faithful recreation of the movie, including scenes such as the prologue with young Michael, the scene at the mental asylum, and of course poor Bob getting pinned to the pantry door. While there were few genuine surprises in this one, I appreciated the way they recreated some of the things that made the movie suspenseful, such as seeing Michael from a distance hiding behind the hedges, or looming at the top of a staircase (make sure to look to your right when you pass it!). Plus, getting to play John Carpenter’s theme music the whole time is like using a scariness cheat code.
Bugs: Eaten Alive
This one delivered on the premise! There are tiny bugs and huge bugs, flying ones and skittering ones, slimy ones and stinging ones. Some of the costumes were more funny than scary, like classic 1950s sci-fi style, but there was also one with a mask that made the person’s head look like it had been turned into a hive, and that one will stick with me. I won’t name my companion, who has also been to HHN several times, but this was the first and only time he’s ever had to avert his eyes just to get to the end of the house. Isn’t that a ringing endorsement?
The Weeknd: After Hours Nightmare
I am aware of the existence of The Weeknd, but that’s about it. His house was quite good! It was among the more creative of them this year, with a lot of lighting effects and neat aesthetic choices from one room to the next. If I were a pop sensation, I’m not sure the first thing I’d suggest for my own themed haunted house would be a scene depicting me stabbing a woman to death in a nightclub, but who knows, maybe that’s why I’m not a pop sensation.
Universal Monsters: Legends Collide
I’m a sucker for the classic monsters, so I enjoyed this one even though it’s sort of about as par for the course as you can get at HHN. The first scene was the exterior of an archaeological dig, which was super cool, but after that it was mostly samey stone tunnels. This one had a bit more of a plot than most of them do, depicting the Mummy, the Wolfman, and Dracula fighting for possession of an enchanted amulet. That said the majority of it was standard jump scares. Apparently they vary the victor from night to night, or maybe even throughout the night, so it’s not a spoiler to say that our walkthrough concluded with Dracula triumphantly hoisting the Wolfman’s head.
Spirits of the Coven
Not the scariest house of the night, but I really enjoyed the theming. You start in a 1920’s speakeasy, then descend into a weird occult section underground full of cackling witches. Great outfits and decor.
Fiesta de Chupacabras
This was cool but it didn’t quite live up to its potential. You start in a Puerto Rican village and then are repeatedly menaced by knife-wielding locals wearing Chupacabra masks. The Chupacabra appearances themselves were mixed, because there were at least two occasions in which it seemed like an animatronic was supposed to be doing something and wasn’t. They were just sitting in the dark and making no noise. I have to assume that wasn’t the intention. Even the ones that did work reminded me of how much better the animatronics were in the “An American Werewolf in London” house a few years back.
Descendants of Destruction
Pretty standard stuff. You start in the subway and then go deeper and deeper into long-lost underground tunnels getting attacked by weirder and weirder mutants. My favorite part was actually where you seemed to be able to see really far down an abandoned subway tunnel. Nobody even jumped out at me. I just like when they switch up the perspective like that.
Hellblock Horror
This one seemed to be universally panned, and while I can see why, I wouldn’t say it was bad or anything. Just a little bit generic. Some of the creature costumes were pretty cool but there didn’t seem to be a unifying theme – maybe a Hellraiser-style extradimensional thing?
The Horrors of Blumhouse
This was the only house this year that I would say wasn’t actually fun. I have only seen part of Freaky and none of The Black Phone, so I can’t say if the source material was the problem, but the execution was boring. There were long stretches in which nothing happened at all. The scenery was lacking any detail or interest. Human-sized human characters jumping out at you is about the least scary thing a haunted house can do. I did enjoy one scene in which the teen girl from Freaky was running a bisected prop person through a table saw. Pretty lame otherwise.
Overall, I had a great time at Halloween Horror Nights 31, and was glad to be back after so many years. The last time I had gone was in 2016, right before the entire country became a scare zone. HEYO!
Editor’s Note: Hi! Molly here! Thanks to Mitch for an amazing recap of his adventure! Thank you for reading! If you’re interested in attending Halloween Horror Nights 31 this year it will run Wednesdays-Sundays for the month of October with it’s final night on Monday, October 31st. Ticket prices vary based on date, but range from $80-$130 per person per night. The Express Pass Mitch talks about above starts at $130 per person per night. Additional options and extras can also be added. Please reach out for more information or to book your very own trip to Universal Orlando Resort!
